I was asked today to contribute to the Washington Post “On Leadership” column. My remarks were about how new beginnings start with the death of the old ways – and what this means for leaders of organizational change. Here is what I wrote:

“The beginning of anything new always signals the death of the old. Changing the way work gets done means employees having to give up the competence and confidence they gained under the old system. Employees under new leadership must relinquish the relationships they created with their previous boss. A work force relocating to new facilities has to move from the existing building. And with every “death” comes a period of mourning where people grieve for what they are being asked to leave behind. This is why you can expect that employees in the midst of a cultural transformation are almost certain to take a nostalgic look back at 'the good old days' and to mourn the passing of that familiar culture.

Effective leaders of change focus on the future without describing the past as wrong. It is almost always unproductive to tell people that they must change to 'correct' past performance. (It is also unrealistic to speak of “correcting” in cases where the past has been highly successful, but still needs to change.) In any case, it is wise to assume that workers have done their best. Telling them it was not good enough -- that, in effect, they were not good enough -- is demoralizing, de-motivating, and guaranteed to build resentment.

Instead of blaming the old ways, leaders can help employees detach from the past by allowing them to mourn it. To facilitate people through the mourning period, I've seen the past honored in a variety of rituals. From pictorial displays on company walls to parties celebrating the history of the organization, rituals help people say good-bye and move on to embrace the future.”

Not a bad way to think about the new year. If you take time to honor (and perhaps mourn) whatever beliefs, behaviors and attitudes you want to leave behind, it will be much easier to release them in order to move on.

Happy 2011 - I hope it's a good one for you!

Why Leaders Should Watch Their Body Language

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D.

Many executives in my audiences are initially skeptical about hearing a speaker on “body language” because they suspect that the topic might be interesting, but not very practical.

By the end of my program, they know better. Here’s what they learn . . .

1) Science has validated the impact of body language.

Body language is the management of time, space, appearance, posture, gesture, touch, smell, facial expression, eye contact, and vocal prosody. From the latest research in neuroscience and psychology we can now prove that body language is crucial to leadership effectiveness – and we can show exactly how it impacts a leader’s ability to negotiate, manage change, build trust, project charisma, and promote collaboration.

For example, research by the MIT Media Lab shows how subtle nonverbal cues provide powerful signals about what's really going on in a business interaction. Whether you win or lose a negotiation is strongly influenced by unconscious factors such as the way your body postures match the other person, the level of physical activity as you talk, and the degree to which you set the tone – literally – of the conversation.

Based on data from devices (called Sociometers) that monitor and analyze patterns of unconscious nonverbal signals passing between people, researchers with no knowledge of a conversation’s content can predict the outcome of a negotiation, the presentation of a business plan, or a job interview in two minutes – with over 80% accuracy.

2) All human beings (that’s every direct report, board member, customer, contractor, and colleague) have been genetically programmed to look for facial and behavioral cues and to quickly decode their meaning.

As a species we knew how to win friends and influence people – or avoid/placate/confront those we couldn’t befriend – long before we knew how to use words. Our ancestors made survival decisions based solely on intricate bits of visual information they were picking up from others. And they did so almost instantly.

We still do.

Research at New York University found that we make major decisions about one another – assessing credibility, friendliness, trustworthiness, confidence, power, status, and competence – within the first seven seconds of meeting.

In business, these first impressions are crucial. Once someone mentally labels you as “likeable” or “un-likeable,” “powerful” or “submissive,” everything else you do will be viewed through that filter. If someone likes you, she’ll look for the best in you. If she doesn’t like you, or mistrusts you, she’ll suspect devious motives in all your actions.

As a leader looking to make a positive first impression, you’d better know how to instantly project the nonverbal signals of warmth, candor, credibility, and confidence.

3) People evaluate body language unconsciously.

The tricky thing about body language (and one of the reasons it is so powerful) is its unconscious nature. Co-workers may form a negative opinion of you because you slouch, don’t make enough eye contact – or make too much eye contact – or stand too close to them when you speak. But, because people are unaware of how or why they made the judgment, they are unable to filter out their biases.

With nonverbal communication, it’s not how the sender feels that matters most; it is how the observer perceives how the sender feels. And those interpretations are often made deep in the subconscious mind, triggered by the limbic brain, and based on a primitive emotional reaction that hasn’t changed much since humans began interacting with one another.

That’s why your nonverbal signals don’t always convey what you intended them to. You may be slouching because you’re tired, but people read it as a sign of disinterest. You may be more comfortable standing with your arms folded across your chest (or you may be cold), but others see you as resistant and unapproachable. And keeping your hands stiffly by your side or stuck in your pockets can give the impression that you’re insecure – whether you are or not.

4) Body language is how leaders express emotion.

A classic and often misquoted study by Dr. Albert Mehabrian at the University of California Los Angeles stated the total impact of a message is based on: 7% words used; 38% tone of voice, volume, rate of speech, vocal pitch; 55% facial expressions, hand gestures, postures and other forms of body language.

But Mehabrian never claimed that you could view a movie in a foreign language and accurately guess 93 percent of the content by watching body language. In fact, he was only studying the communication of feelings – particularly, liking and disliking.

The nonverbal aspects of communication won’t deliver 93 percent of your entire message, but it will reveal underlying emotion, motives, and feelings, In fact, people will evaluate most of the emotional content of your message, not by what you say – but by how you say it and how you look when you say it.

5) When your body language doesn’t match your words, your verbal message is lost. Neuroscientists at Colgate University study the effects of gestures by using an electroencephalograph (EEG) machines to measure “event related potentials” – brain waves that form peaks and valleys. One of these valleys, dubbed N400, occurs when subjects are shown gestures that contradict what’s spoken. This is the same brain wave dip that occurs when people listen to nonsensical language. So, in a very real way, when your words say one thing and your gestures indicate another, you don’t make sense. And if forced to choose between your rhetoric and your body language, people will believe what they see and not what you say.

By the end of my program, leaders in the audience understand how nonverbal skills can help them develop positive business relationships, influence and motivate direct reports, improve productivity, bond with team members, present ideas with more impact, and authentically project their personal brand of charisma. They learn that body language is not only “interesting,” but also imminently practical!

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” Her new book, “THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LEADERS: How Body Language Can Help – or Hurt How You Lead” will be released in April 2011. To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s website is http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

Listening With Your Eyes
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D.

You’re at a business event and the colleague you’ve been having an intense conversation with begins to shift her gaze from your face to look around the room. Ever wonder why that makes you feel as if she has stopped listening? You know it’s not logical. A person doesn’t have to look at you to hear you. People don’t listen with their eyes.

Or do they?

The impact of eye contact is so powerful because it is instinctive and connected with humans’ early survival patterns. Children who could attract and maintain eye contact, and therefore increase attention, had the best chance of being fed and cared for.

And eye contact retains its power with adults. We gaze intently at one another, unconsciously monitoring the wide eyes of surprise or pleasure and the narrowed eyes of suspicion or dislike. We respond (positively or negatively) to dilated pupils that signal attraction, increased blink rates caused by stress, and darting eyes that underscore discomfort or defensiveness.

Over the course of a conversation, eye contact is made through a series of glances – by the speaker, to make sure the other person has understood or to gage reactions, and by the listener to indicate interest in either the other person or what’s being said. It is also used as a synchronizing signal. People tend to look up at the end of utterances, which gives their listeners warning that the speaker is about to stop talking. There is often mutual eye contact during attempted interruptions, laughing, and when answering short questions.

Eye contact is most effective when both parties feel its intensity is appropriate for the situation (and this may differ with introverts/extroverts, men/women, or between different cultures). But greater eye contact, especially in intervals lasting four to five seconds, almost always leads to greater liking. As long as people are looking at us, we believe we have their interest. If they meet our gaze more than two-thirds of the time, we sense that they find us appealing or fascinating.

In fact, the only kind increased eye contact that does not increase liking is staring – which most of us consider to be rude or even threatening. This kind of over-done eye contact generally communicates a desire to dominate, a feeling of superiority, a lack of respect, or a wish to insult.

In the Western world, too little eye contact is interpreted as being impolite, insincere, or even dishonest. One hospital, analyzing letters of complaints from patients, reported that 90 percent of the complaints had to do with poor doctor eye contact, which was perceived as a “lack of caring.”

But people decrease or avoid eye contact for many reasons – when they are discussing something intimate or difficult, when they are not interested in the other person’s reactions, when they don’t like the other person, when they are insecure or shy and when they are ashamed, embarrassed, depressed or sad.

Waiters in restaurants tend to avoid eye contact with their customers to send the message, “I’m too busy to deal with you right now.” Employees avoid eye contact when the boss poses a difficult question or asks for volunteers. (The general rule here is to look down and shuffle through notes as if searching for the answer or engaged in a much more important pursuit.) And when pedestrians or drivers want to ensure their own right of way, one strategy is to avoid meeting the other’s eyes in order to avoid cooperation.

In intense or intimate conversations people naturally look at one another more often and hold that focus for longer periods of time. A sure sign that a conversation is lagging is when one of the participants begins looking away to pay more attention to other people or objects in the vicinity.

So when your business colleague stopped looking at you and began to gaze blankly into the distance or visually scan the room, she was “saying” with her eyes that she had, in effect, stopped listening.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” Her new book, “THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LEADERS: How Body Language Can Help – or Hurt How You Lead” will be released in April 2011. To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s website is http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

WHEN LEADERS TALK WITH THEIR HANDS
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D.

Have you ever noticed that when people are passionate about what they’re saying, their gestures automatically become more animated? Their hands and arms move about, emphasizing points and conveying enthusiasm.

You may not have been aware of this connection before, but you instinctively felt it. Research shows that audiences tend to view people who use a greater variety of gestures in a more favorable light. Studies have found that people who communicate through active gesturing tend to be evaluated as warm, agreeable, and energetic, while those who remain still (or whose gestures seem mechanical or “wooden”) are seen as logical, cold, and analytic.

That’s one of the reasons why gestures are so critical to a leader and why getting them right in a presentation connects so powerfully with an audience.

I’ve seen senior executives make rookie mistakes. When leaders don't use gestures correctly (if they let their hands hang limply to the side, hide them in pockets or clasp their hands in front of their bodies in the classic “fig leaf” position), it suggests they don't recognize the crucial issues, they have no emotional investment in the issues, or they don’t realize the impact of their nonverbal behavior on the audience.

We all form impressions about a speaker that help determine how we interpret what the speaker is saying – and the impression we get about someone’s trustworthiness is a critically important factor in effective communication. If an audience does not trust the presenter, or at least think that the speaker believes what he is saying, then it will be almost impossible for that speaker to get his message across.

Trust is established through congruence – that perfect alignment between what is being said and the body language that accompanies it. If a speaker’s gestures are not in full agreement with the spoken words, the audience consciously or subconsciously perceives duplicity, uncertainty or (at the very least) internal conflict.

Although people may not be aware they are doing so, audience members are also evaluating a leader’s sincerity by the timing of his or her gestures: Authentic gestures begin split seconds before the words that accompany them. They will either precede the word or will be coincident with the word, but will never come after the word.

To use gestures effectively, leaders need to be aware of how those movements will most likely be perceived. Here are some common hand gestures and the messages behind them:

Emblematic gestures - Some gestures have an agree-upon meaning to a group and are consciously used instead of words. These are referred to as emblematic gestures, and, like the words they represent, they’re processed in the left hemisphere of the brain. We learn emblematic gestures at home, in school, and in other social environments, so they generally differ from culture to culture. So remember that what may be effective communication in one culture can become ineffective or even offensive in another.

Emblematic gestures used in the U.S. include the thumbs-up sign that is commonly understood to mean “good job,” “OK” or “everything’s fine,” and hand rocking - where the palm faces down and the fingers spread out and the hand rocks left and right - means “so-so” or “maybe.”

Pacifying gestures – When nervous or stressed, people pacify themselves with a variety of self-touching gestures. They rub their legs, pull at their collars, and cross their arms to hold their upper arms in a kind of “self-hug.” In a presentation, any pacifying gesture (including hand wringing, rubbing the forehead, playing with jewelry or hair, etc.) makes a leader look tentative, unprepared or insecure.

Illustrative gestures – Everyone produces gestures spontaneously and unwittingly as they speak. We may seldom think of our gestures consciously, but in practice we use them with great efficiency and sophistication to cover a surprisingly wide range of communicating.

Sometimes gestures are used to physically illustrate a point, as when pointing to a particular paragraph in a contract or moving your hand to the right when telling someone to turn in that direction. Other gestures are unconscious signals that give the viewer a glimpse into the speaker’s emotions, motivations or attitude. These include . . .

• Open palms at an angle – Gestures with palms showing (tilted to a 45 degree angle) signal candor and openness. When being truthful or forthcoming, people tend to use open gestures, showing their palms and wrists and spreading hands and arms away from their bodies, as if saying, “See, I have nothing to hide.”

• Palms up – When palms are rotated straight up and fingers are spread, in a prototypical pleading position), it communicates the lack of something that the speaker needs or is requesting.

• Palms down – Speakers pronate their palms to signal power and certainty. This is also a controlling signal – as when trying to quiet an audience.

• Vertical palms – Vertical palm gestures with a rigid hand are often used to demonstrate the need for precise measurement – or to beat out a rhythm that gives emphasis to certain words.

• Clenched hands – When a speaker clutches an object tightly, grips his hands behind his back, or curls his hands into fists, it signals anger, frustration or a nonverbal way of saying, “I’m holding on to something and I’m not going to open up to you.” Depending on the context, the clenched fist gesture can also communicate a warning that unwavering fortitude may be necessary to achieve an objective. I’ve often seen leaders use a fist to add the nonverbal equivalent of “with power”, “firm commitment,” or “by force” to their message.

• Finger pointing – Finger pointing and wagging are parental gestures of scolding, and I’ve often seen politicians and executives, in particular, use this gesture in meetings, negotiations, or interviews for emphasis or to show dominance. The problem is, that rather than being a sign of authority, aggressive finger pointing suggests that the leader is losing control of the situation – and the gesture smacks of playground bullying.

• Hands on hips – Whether in a stubborn toddler or an aggressive CEO, hands on hips is one of the most common gestures used to communicate a defiant, super-confident, or independent attitude.

• Hidden hands – Hidden hands make you look less trustworthy. This is one of the nonverbal signals that is deeply ingrained in our subconscious. Our ancestors made survival decisions based solely on bits of visual information they picked up from one another. In our prehistory, when someone approached with hands out of view, it was a clear signal of potential danger. Although today the threat of hidden hands is more symbolic than real, our psychological discomfort remains.

• Steepling gestures – It is common to see a speaker using a steepling gesture (palms separated slightly, fingers of both hands spread and finger tips touching) when feeling confident or comfortable about a subject she knows well. Politicians, executives, professors, and attorneys are very fond of using these gestures when they speak.

Hand gestures of enthusiasm – There is an interesting equation of hand and arm movement with energy. If a leader wanted to project more enthusiasm and drive, she could do so by increased gesturing. On the other hand, over-gesturing (especially when hands are raised above the shoulders) can make her appear erratic, less believable and less powerful.

Hand gestures of composure – Arms held at waist height, and gestures within that horizontal plane, help you - and the audience - feel centered and composed. Arms at waist and bent to a 45 degree angle (accompanied by a stance about shoulder-width wide) is also the posture I advise leaders to assume between gestures. It helps keep them grounded, energized, and focused.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach, consultant, and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” Her new book, “THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LEADERS” will be published May, 2011. Contact Carol by phone, 510-526-1727, or email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s websites are http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com and http://www.CKGcom. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

ATTRACTING AND RETAINING TOMORROW'S TOP TALENT

Kendra is majoring in Finance in of one of the top universities in the United States. With one semester of schooling to complete, Kendra spent the summer as an intern in one of the leading high-tech companies in Silicon Valley. That company just made her an offer for full-time employment after graduation, which Kendra will accept -- unless she gets the counter offer she’s hoping for, from one of the world’s most prestigious management consulting firms.

Kendra is an example of “top talent” – one of the best and the brightest of a new generation of workers who are the future of your organization. Your ability to attract, retain and engage the Kendras (and Kenneths) of this generation will, in a large part, determine whether your organization will continue to thrive or must struggle to stay competitive in the years ahead.

The best and brightest of Gen Y are ready for you. Are you ready for them?

When I ask young workers what they most want from their employers, these four categories (collaboration, relationships, feedback and development, access to information) are always at the top of the list.

Want #1: Collaboration and teamwork. Gen Y comes with a collaborative mindset, partly because they are the Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, social-networking generation and accustomed to sharing ideas, exchanging knowledge, and working collectively. They don’t want to work in pyramid hierarchies, but rather in flatter, networked, flexible, and more collaborative organizations. They would also prefer environments in which people spend less time in separate offices and more time coming together to socialize and work collectively.

Want #2: Great working relationships. Members of this generation want leaders who will get to know them personally as well as professionally and leaders who care about them as individuals. They want to develop strong personal relationships with their peers as well. Millennials thrive on social connections, and are more reluctant to leave companies where they have friends. They see the workplace as a place where they mix and interact. For them, work is about being with people, and that’s one reason they might choose to work in a company, rather than as a solo entrepreneur. In short, they want to be a member of a community.

Want #3: Frequent feedback and personal development. The days of annual performance reviews are over. Or they will be shortly. Gen Y employees want constant, informal assessment of how they are doing -- are they doing it fast enough, are they hitting the mark? If possible, they want this information on a daily basis. Not telling them how they are performing makes them feel left in the dark, and they will most likely stop contributing or chose to leave the organization.

Just make sure your feedback isn’t all about what they need to improve. "Catch people doing things right" will become more than a leadership mantra, it will be a necessity for this “everyone-gets-a-trophy” generation whose abilities and achievements as children have been constantly reinforced. Recognition, reward and appreciation from their managers will be paramount in engagement and retention.

Gen-Y'ers also put great store in education, and they want to be encouraged and supported to create personal growth and development plans. They want the challenge and excitement of getting on board and getting up to speed quickly. They want to build their reputations within the company. The worst thing you can do is leave them sitting around waiting for something to happen. Instead, give them a task or responsibility they can own and offer a wide range of projects to work on.

Want #4: Access to information. These are the cyber kids who grew up with the Internet, so speed and access to information is something that they automatically expect. Computers have given this generation the experience of always having information "at their fingertips," and they are adept at using different data and technology to blend seemingly unrelated elements when solving problems. To a Millennial, the idea of cascade communication (where information flows through organizational levels, starting at the top) seems like a quaint concept – and a completely ineffective business practice.

There’s more you should know about them: They work to live, not live to work. Younger employees want control of their time, whether it involves organizationally structured arrangements such as flex-time, flex-place, contractual work, or management philosophies and practices that stress results over "face time." They're also looking for meaning in their lives, so is helping new employees make a "values match" between their personal values and the organization's vision/mission is key. As is letting individuals know specifically how their work fits in and contributes to the goals of the enterprise.

And forget about issuing orders. Millennials were raised to express themselves, and their opinions were regularly sought in family decision-making (especially when it came to buying and setting up the latest technology). In organizations they want to be included in decisions that affect them – not simply told to drink their milk and go to bed. Responding to this generation’s demands for inclusion, one high-tech CEO observed, “There’s nothing wrong with command and control leadership. It’s simply irrelevant in the 21st Century.”

Competitive salaries and benefits? Of course they're part of the equation. But as another executive told me, "If they come just for the bucks, they'll leave for the bucks." Retaining Gen-Y'ers will depend more on building their engagement – with challenging work, collaborative leadership, and a nurturing environment – than it will on salary.

But isn’t that usually the case with top talent?

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach, consultant, and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” Her new book, “THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LEADERS” will be published by Jossey-Bass in the spring of 2011. Contact Carol by phone, 510-526-1727, or email CGoman@CKG.com. View video clips on Carol’s websites: http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com and http://www.CKGcom. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

10 Body Language Mistakes Women Leaders Make
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D.


There are two sets of body language cues that followers look for in leaders: warmth (empathy, likeability, caring) and authority (power, credibility, status). Although I know several leaders of both sexes who do not fit the stereotypes, I’ve also observed that gender differences in body language most often align do align with these two groupings. Women are the champions in the warmth and empathy arena, but lose out with power and authority cues.

All leaders are judged by their body language. If a female wants to be perceived as powerful, credible, and confident, she has to be aware of the nonverbal signals she’s sending. There are a number of behaviors I’ve seen women unknowingly employ that reduce their authority by denoting vulnerability or submission. Here are ten body language mistakes that women leaders commonly make.

1) They use too many head tilts. Head tilting is a signal that someone is listening and involved -- and a particularly feminine gesture. Head tilts can be very positive cues, but they are also subconsciously processed as submission signals. Women who want to project power and authority should keep their heads straight up in a more neutral position.

2) They physically condense. One way that status is nonverbally demonstrated in a business meeting is by physically taking up room. Lower-status, less-confident men (and most women) tend to pull in their bodies and minimize their size, while high status males expand and take up space. So at your next meeting, spread out your belongings and claim your turf!

3) They act girlish. Everyone uses pacifying gestures when under stress. They rub their hands together, grab their upper arms, and touch their necks. But women are viewed as much less powerful when they pacify with girlish behaviors (twirling hair, playing with jewelry, or biting a finger.)

4) They smile excessively. While smiling can be a powerful and positive nonverbal cue – especially for signaling likeability and friendliness – women should be aware that, when excessive or inappropriate, smiling can also be confusing and a credibility robber. This is especially true if you smile while discussing a serious subject, expressing anger, or giving negative feedback.

5) They nod too much. When a man nods, it means he agrees. When a woman nods, it means she agrees – or is listening to, empathizing with, or encouraging the speaker to continue. This excessive head nodding can make females look like a bobble-head doll. Constant head nodding can express encouragement and engagement, but not authority and power.

6) They speak “up.” Women's voices often rise at the ends of sentences as if they're asking a question or asking for approval. When stating your opinion, be sure to use the authoritative arc, in which your voice starts on one note, rises in pitch through the sentence and drops back down at the end.

7) They wait their turn. In negotiations, men talk more than women and interrupt more frequently. One perspective on the value of speaking up comes from former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, who – when asked what advice she had for up-and-coming professional women – replied, “Learn to interrupt.”

8) They are overly expressive. While a certain amount of movement and animation adds passion and meaning to a message, women who express the entire spectrum of emotions often overwhelm their audience (especially if the audience is comprised primarily of males). So in situations where you want to maximize your authority -- minimize your movements. When you appear calm and contained, you look more powerful.

9) They have a delicate handshake. Women with a weak handshake are judged to be passive and less confident. So take the time to cultivate your "professional shake.” Keep your body squared off to the other person -- facing him or her fully. Make sure you have palm-to-palm contact and that the web of you hand (the skin between you thumb and first finger) touches the web of the other person's. And, most of all, remember to shake hands firmly.

10. They flirt. Women gain likeability, but lose the competitive advantage in a negotiation when they flirt. In a UC Berkeley study female actors play the roles of sellers of a biotech business. Half were told to project a no-nonsense, business approach. Half were instructed to flirt (using the nonverbal behaviors of smiling, leaning forward suggestively, tossing their hair, etc.) – but to do so subtly. The outcome was that the “buyers” offered the flirts (dubbed “likeable losers”) 20% less, on average, than what they offered the more straitlaced sellers.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is an international keynote speaker, executive coach, and management consultant. Author of THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE - Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work, Carol’s new book, THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LEADERS will be published by Jossey-Bass in the spring of 2011.For information contact Carol by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her web sites: www.CKG.com and
www.NonverbalAdvantage.com.

Forbes.com posted Carol's video blog "Body Language Mistakes Women Make"
http://video.forbes.com/fvn/forbeswoman/body-language-mistakes-women-make

SMILE POWER – YOUR SECRET TO SUCCESS
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D.

Smiles have a powerful effect on all of us. The human brain prefers happy faces, recognizing them more quickly than those with negative expressions. Smiles are such an important part of communication that we spot a smile at 300 feet -- the length of a football field.

Smiles can also be your secret to success. Here are five reasons to activate your smile power:

1. You’ll feel better – even if you fake it

We all use the fake smile in business settings when we don’t really feel an emotional closeness to those around us; the real smile is reserved for those we truly care about. And we’ve had a lot of practice doing this. We’ve been displaying both real and fake smiles all of our lives. A fake smile is easy to produce. It takes only one set of muscles to stretch the lip corners sideways and create a grin.

There’s no doubt that the “best” smiles are genuine. They light up your face, crinkle the corners of your eyes and produces positive physiological changes in your body temperature and heart rate. But consider research findings that even if the smile is mechanically produced, positive feelings still emerge. This study matched samples of people looking at cartoons. The first group ranked every cartoon as funnier than the second group. The only difference is that members of the first group were asked to hold a pencil crosswise between their back teeth. The simulated smile caused by the pencil between their teeth effected their emotion - and their perception of the cartoons as funnier.

2. You’ll be unforgettable

Why do some people make a lasting impression while others are quite forgettable? The answer may be in their smile.

Research from Duke University proves that we like and remember those who smile at us – and shows why we find them more memorable. Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), the Duke researchers found that the orbitofrontal cortices (a “reward center” in the brain) were more active when subjects were learning and recalling the names of smiling individuals.

3. You’ll encourage collaboration

No one, regardless of how intelligent he or she may be, can succeed alone. We all need the knowledge and ideas of others. You know that. But did your know that by merely smiling or frowning you can influence how a speaker reports information and how it is subsequently remembered, and possibly passed on?

According to research conducted reported by the British Psychological Society, positive and negative emotional responses systematically alter the use of language. Speak to a positive listener and people will likely use more abstractions and subjective impressions. But if people talk to a negative listener, they’ll probably stick to the relative security of objective facts and concrete details.

Researchers speculate that this is because the smiles and nods of a positive listener are interpreted as a sign of agreement and understanding, encouraging the speaker to provide more of their own opinions and speculations. By contrast, negative listeners provoke speakers to adopt a more hesitant and cautious thinking style.

4. You’ll improve your productivity

Charles Garfield, the author of Peak Performance, once coached the Russian Olympic weight-lifting team. Garfield noticed that when team members lifted to exhaustion, they would invariably grimace at the painful effort. In an experiment, he encouraged the athletes to smile when they got to that point of exhaustion. This seemingly minor difference enabled them to add 2-3 more reps to their performance.

No matter the task, when you grimace or frown while doing it, you are sending your brain the message, “This is really difficult. I should stop.” The brain then responds by sending stress chemicals into your bloodstream. And this creates a vicious circle: the more stressed you are, the more difficult the task becomes.

When you smile, your brain gets the message, “It’s not so bad. I can do this!”

5.You’ll positively contaminate others

Some nonverbal behaviors can bring out the best in people. Smiling is one of them, as it directly influences how other people respond. When you smile at someone, they almost always smile in return. And, because facial expressions trigger corresponding feelings, the smile you get back actually changes that person’s emotional state in a positive way.

Maybe that’s why a DePauw University study found that people whose smiles were weakest in snapshots from childhood through young adulthood were most likely to be divorced in middle or old age. (1 in 4 compared to 1 in 20 for the widest smilers.)

And if you ever go to trial, keep this in mind: Although courtroom judges are equally likely to find smilers and non-smilers guilty, they tend to give smilers lighter penalties, a phenomenon called the “smile-leniency effect.”

Want to brighten your mood, make a lasting impression, encourage collaboration, lighten your work load, and positively influence others? Then smile – really smile. Think of someone who genuinely amuses or delights you. But if you can’t do that, then fake it . . . or hold a pencil in your mouth.


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