Why Leaders Should Watch Their Body Language

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D.

Many executives in my audiences are initially skeptical about hearing a speaker on “body language” because they suspect that the topic might be interesting, but not very practical.

By the end of my program, they know better. Here’s what they learn . . .

1) Science has validated the impact of body language.

Body language is the management of time, space, appearance, posture, gesture, touch, smell, facial expression, eye contact, and vocal prosody. From the latest research in neuroscience and psychology we can now prove that body language is crucial to leadership effectiveness – and we can show exactly how it impacts a leader’s ability to negotiate, manage change, build trust, project charisma, and promote collaboration.

For example, research by the MIT Media Lab shows how subtle nonverbal cues provide powerful signals about what's really going on in a business interaction. Whether you win or lose a negotiation is strongly influenced by unconscious factors such as the way your body postures match the other person, the level of physical activity as you talk, and the degree to which you set the tone – literally – of the conversation.

Based on data from devices (called Sociometers) that monitor and analyze patterns of unconscious nonverbal signals passing between people, researchers with no knowledge of a conversation’s content can predict the outcome of a negotiation, the presentation of a business plan, or a job interview in two minutes – with over 80% accuracy.

2) All human beings (that’s every direct report, board member, customer, contractor, and colleague) have been genetically programmed to look for facial and behavioral cues and to quickly decode their meaning.

As a species we knew how to win friends and influence people – or avoid/placate/confront those we couldn’t befriend – long before we knew how to use words. Our ancestors made survival decisions based solely on intricate bits of visual information they were picking up from others. And they did so almost instantly.

We still do.

Research at New York University found that we make major decisions about one another – assessing credibility, friendliness, trustworthiness, confidence, power, status, and competence – within the first seven seconds of meeting.

In business, these first impressions are crucial. Once someone mentally labels you as “likeable” or “un-likeable,” “powerful” or “submissive,” everything else you do will be viewed through that filter. If someone likes you, she’ll look for the best in you. If she doesn’t like you, or mistrusts you, she’ll suspect devious motives in all your actions.

As a leader looking to make a positive first impression, you’d better know how to instantly project the nonverbal signals of warmth, candor, credibility, and confidence.

3) People evaluate body language unconsciously.

The tricky thing about body language (and one of the reasons it is so powerful) is its unconscious nature. Co-workers may form a negative opinion of you because you slouch, don’t make enough eye contact – or make too much eye contact – or stand too close to them when you speak. But, because people are unaware of how or why they made the judgment, they are unable to filter out their biases.

With nonverbal communication, it’s not how the sender feels that matters most; it is how the observer perceives how the sender feels. And those interpretations are often made deep in the subconscious mind, triggered by the limbic brain, and based on a primitive emotional reaction that hasn’t changed much since humans began interacting with one another.

That’s why your nonverbal signals don’t always convey what you intended them to. You may be slouching because you’re tired, but people read it as a sign of disinterest. You may be more comfortable standing with your arms folded across your chest (or you may be cold), but others see you as resistant and unapproachable. And keeping your hands stiffly by your side or stuck in your pockets can give the impression that you’re insecure – whether you are or not.

4) Body language is how leaders express emotion.

A classic and often misquoted study by Dr. Albert Mehabrian at the University of California Los Angeles stated the total impact of a message is based on: 7% words used; 38% tone of voice, volume, rate of speech, vocal pitch; 55% facial expressions, hand gestures, postures and other forms of body language.

But Mehabrian never claimed that you could view a movie in a foreign language and accurately guess 93 percent of the content by watching body language. In fact, he was only studying the communication of feelings – particularly, liking and disliking.

The nonverbal aspects of communication won’t deliver 93 percent of your entire message, but it will reveal underlying emotion, motives, and feelings, In fact, people will evaluate most of the emotional content of your message, not by what you say – but by how you say it and how you look when you say it.

5) When your body language doesn’t match your words, your verbal message is lost. Neuroscientists at Colgate University study the effects of gestures by using an electroencephalograph (EEG) machines to measure “event related potentials” – brain waves that form peaks and valleys. One of these valleys, dubbed N400, occurs when subjects are shown gestures that contradict what’s spoken. This is the same brain wave dip that occurs when people listen to nonsensical language. So, in a very real way, when your words say one thing and your gestures indicate another, you don’t make sense. And if forced to choose between your rhetoric and your body language, people will believe what they see and not what you say.

By the end of my program, leaders in the audience understand how nonverbal skills can help them develop positive business relationships, influence and motivate direct reports, improve productivity, bond with team members, present ideas with more impact, and authentically project their personal brand of charisma. They learn that body language is not only “interesting,” but also imminently practical!

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” Her new book, “THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LEADERS: How Body Language Can Help – or Hurt How You Lead” will be released in April 2011. To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s website is http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

Listening With Your Eyes
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D.

You’re at a business event and the colleague you’ve been having an intense conversation with begins to shift her gaze from your face to look around the room. Ever wonder why that makes you feel as if she has stopped listening? You know it’s not logical. A person doesn’t have to look at you to hear you. People don’t listen with their eyes.

Or do they?

The impact of eye contact is so powerful because it is instinctive and connected with humans’ early survival patterns. Children who could attract and maintain eye contact, and therefore increase attention, had the best chance of being fed and cared for.

And eye contact retains its power with adults. We gaze intently at one another, unconsciously monitoring the wide eyes of surprise or pleasure and the narrowed eyes of suspicion or dislike. We respond (positively or negatively) to dilated pupils that signal attraction, increased blink rates caused by stress, and darting eyes that underscore discomfort or defensiveness.

Over the course of a conversation, eye contact is made through a series of glances – by the speaker, to make sure the other person has understood or to gage reactions, and by the listener to indicate interest in either the other person or what’s being said. It is also used as a synchronizing signal. People tend to look up at the end of utterances, which gives their listeners warning that the speaker is about to stop talking. There is often mutual eye contact during attempted interruptions, laughing, and when answering short questions.

Eye contact is most effective when both parties feel its intensity is appropriate for the situation (and this may differ with introverts/extroverts, men/women, or between different cultures). But greater eye contact, especially in intervals lasting four to five seconds, almost always leads to greater liking. As long as people are looking at us, we believe we have their interest. If they meet our gaze more than two-thirds of the time, we sense that they find us appealing or fascinating.

In fact, the only kind increased eye contact that does not increase liking is staring – which most of us consider to be rude or even threatening. This kind of over-done eye contact generally communicates a desire to dominate, a feeling of superiority, a lack of respect, or a wish to insult.

In the Western world, too little eye contact is interpreted as being impolite, insincere, or even dishonest. One hospital, analyzing letters of complaints from patients, reported that 90 percent of the complaints had to do with poor doctor eye contact, which was perceived as a “lack of caring.”

But people decrease or avoid eye contact for many reasons – when they are discussing something intimate or difficult, when they are not interested in the other person’s reactions, when they don’t like the other person, when they are insecure or shy and when they are ashamed, embarrassed, depressed or sad.

Waiters in restaurants tend to avoid eye contact with their customers to send the message, “I’m too busy to deal with you right now.” Employees avoid eye contact when the boss poses a difficult question or asks for volunteers. (The general rule here is to look down and shuffle through notes as if searching for the answer or engaged in a much more important pursuit.) And when pedestrians or drivers want to ensure their own right of way, one strategy is to avoid meeting the other’s eyes in order to avoid cooperation.

In intense or intimate conversations people naturally look at one another more often and hold that focus for longer periods of time. A sure sign that a conversation is lagging is when one of the participants begins looking away to pay more attention to other people or objects in the vicinity.

So when your business colleague stopped looking at you and began to gaze blankly into the distance or visually scan the room, she was “saying” with her eyes that she had, in effect, stopped listening.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” Her new book, “THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LEADERS: How Body Language Can Help – or Hurt How You Lead” will be released in April 2011. To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s website is http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

WHEN LEADERS TALK WITH THEIR HANDS
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D.

Have you ever noticed that when people are passionate about what they’re saying, their gestures automatically become more animated? Their hands and arms move about, emphasizing points and conveying enthusiasm.

You may not have been aware of this connection before, but you instinctively felt it. Research shows that audiences tend to view people who use a greater variety of gestures in a more favorable light. Studies have found that people who communicate through active gesturing tend to be evaluated as warm, agreeable, and energetic, while those who remain still (or whose gestures seem mechanical or “wooden”) are seen as logical, cold, and analytic.

That’s one of the reasons why gestures are so critical to a leader and why getting them right in a presentation connects so powerfully with an audience.

I’ve seen senior executives make rookie mistakes. When leaders don't use gestures correctly (if they let their hands hang limply to the side, hide them in pockets or clasp their hands in front of their bodies in the classic “fig leaf” position), it suggests they don't recognize the crucial issues, they have no emotional investment in the issues, or they don’t realize the impact of their nonverbal behavior on the audience.

We all form impressions about a speaker that help determine how we interpret what the speaker is saying – and the impression we get about someone’s trustworthiness is a critically important factor in effective communication. If an audience does not trust the presenter, or at least think that the speaker believes what he is saying, then it will be almost impossible for that speaker to get his message across.

Trust is established through congruence – that perfect alignment between what is being said and the body language that accompanies it. If a speaker’s gestures are not in full agreement with the spoken words, the audience consciously or subconsciously perceives duplicity, uncertainty or (at the very least) internal conflict.

Although people may not be aware they are doing so, audience members are also evaluating a leader’s sincerity by the timing of his or her gestures: Authentic gestures begin split seconds before the words that accompany them. They will either precede the word or will be coincident with the word, but will never come after the word.

To use gestures effectively, leaders need to be aware of how those movements will most likely be perceived. Here are some common hand gestures and the messages behind them:

Emblematic gestures - Some gestures have an agree-upon meaning to a group and are consciously used instead of words. These are referred to as emblematic gestures, and, like the words they represent, they’re processed in the left hemisphere of the brain. We learn emblematic gestures at home, in school, and in other social environments, so they generally differ from culture to culture. So remember that what may be effective communication in one culture can become ineffective or even offensive in another.

Emblematic gestures used in the U.S. include the thumbs-up sign that is commonly understood to mean “good job,” “OK” or “everything’s fine,” and hand rocking - where the palm faces down and the fingers spread out and the hand rocks left and right - means “so-so” or “maybe.”

Pacifying gestures – When nervous or stressed, people pacify themselves with a variety of self-touching gestures. They rub their legs, pull at their collars, and cross their arms to hold their upper arms in a kind of “self-hug.” In a presentation, any pacifying gesture (including hand wringing, rubbing the forehead, playing with jewelry or hair, etc.) makes a leader look tentative, unprepared or insecure.

Illustrative gestures – Everyone produces gestures spontaneously and unwittingly as they speak. We may seldom think of our gestures consciously, but in practice we use them with great efficiency and sophistication to cover a surprisingly wide range of communicating.

Sometimes gestures are used to physically illustrate a point, as when pointing to a particular paragraph in a contract or moving your hand to the right when telling someone to turn in that direction. Other gestures are unconscious signals that give the viewer a glimpse into the speaker’s emotions, motivations or attitude. These include . . .

• Open palms at an angle – Gestures with palms showing (tilted to a 45 degree angle) signal candor and openness. When being truthful or forthcoming, people tend to use open gestures, showing their palms and wrists and spreading hands and arms away from their bodies, as if saying, “See, I have nothing to hide.”

• Palms up – When palms are rotated straight up and fingers are spread, in a prototypical pleading position), it communicates the lack of something that the speaker needs or is requesting.

• Palms down – Speakers pronate their palms to signal power and certainty. This is also a controlling signal – as when trying to quiet an audience.

• Vertical palms – Vertical palm gestures with a rigid hand are often used to demonstrate the need for precise measurement – or to beat out a rhythm that gives emphasis to certain words.

• Clenched hands – When a speaker clutches an object tightly, grips his hands behind his back, or curls his hands into fists, it signals anger, frustration or a nonverbal way of saying, “I’m holding on to something and I’m not going to open up to you.” Depending on the context, the clenched fist gesture can also communicate a warning that unwavering fortitude may be necessary to achieve an objective. I’ve often seen leaders use a fist to add the nonverbal equivalent of “with power”, “firm commitment,” or “by force” to their message.

• Finger pointing – Finger pointing and wagging are parental gestures of scolding, and I’ve often seen politicians and executives, in particular, use this gesture in meetings, negotiations, or interviews for emphasis or to show dominance. The problem is, that rather than being a sign of authority, aggressive finger pointing suggests that the leader is losing control of the situation – and the gesture smacks of playground bullying.

• Hands on hips – Whether in a stubborn toddler or an aggressive CEO, hands on hips is one of the most common gestures used to communicate a defiant, super-confident, or independent attitude.

• Hidden hands – Hidden hands make you look less trustworthy. This is one of the nonverbal signals that is deeply ingrained in our subconscious. Our ancestors made survival decisions based solely on bits of visual information they picked up from one another. In our prehistory, when someone approached with hands out of view, it was a clear signal of potential danger. Although today the threat of hidden hands is more symbolic than real, our psychological discomfort remains.

• Steepling gestures – It is common to see a speaker using a steepling gesture (palms separated slightly, fingers of both hands spread and finger tips touching) when feeling confident or comfortable about a subject she knows well. Politicians, executives, professors, and attorneys are very fond of using these gestures when they speak.

Hand gestures of enthusiasm – There is an interesting equation of hand and arm movement with energy. If a leader wanted to project more enthusiasm and drive, she could do so by increased gesturing. On the other hand, over-gesturing (especially when hands are raised above the shoulders) can make her appear erratic, less believable and less powerful.

Hand gestures of composure – Arms held at waist height, and gestures within that horizontal plane, help you - and the audience - feel centered and composed. Arms at waist and bent to a 45 degree angle (accompanied by a stance about shoulder-width wide) is also the posture I advise leaders to assume between gestures. It helps keep them grounded, energized, and focused.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach, consultant, and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” Her new book, “THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LEADERS” will be published May, 2011. Contact Carol by phone, 510-526-1727, or email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s websites are http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com and http://www.CKGcom. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

10 Body Language Mistakes Women Leaders Make
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D.


There are two sets of body language cues that followers look for in leaders: warmth (empathy, likeability, caring) and authority (power, credibility, status). Although I know several leaders of both sexes who do not fit the stereotypes, I’ve also observed that gender differences in body language most often align do align with these two groupings. Women are the champions in the warmth and empathy arena, but lose out with power and authority cues.

All leaders are judged by their body language. If a female wants to be perceived as powerful, credible, and confident, she has to be aware of the nonverbal signals she’s sending. There are a number of behaviors I’ve seen women unknowingly employ that reduce their authority by denoting vulnerability or submission. Here are ten body language mistakes that women leaders commonly make.

1) They use too many head tilts. Head tilting is a signal that someone is listening and involved -- and a particularly feminine gesture. Head tilts can be very positive cues, but they are also subconsciously processed as submission signals. Women who want to project power and authority should keep their heads straight up in a more neutral position.

2) They physically condense. One way that status is nonverbally demonstrated in a business meeting is by physically taking up room. Lower-status, less-confident men (and most women) tend to pull in their bodies and minimize their size, while high status males expand and take up space. So at your next meeting, spread out your belongings and claim your turf!

3) They act girlish. Everyone uses pacifying gestures when under stress. They rub their hands together, grab their upper arms, and touch their necks. But women are viewed as much less powerful when they pacify with girlish behaviors (twirling hair, playing with jewelry, or biting a finger.)

4) They smile excessively. While smiling can be a powerful and positive nonverbal cue – especially for signaling likeability and friendliness – women should be aware that, when excessive or inappropriate, smiling can also be confusing and a credibility robber. This is especially true if you smile while discussing a serious subject, expressing anger, or giving negative feedback.

5) They nod too much. When a man nods, it means he agrees. When a woman nods, it means she agrees – or is listening to, empathizing with, or encouraging the speaker to continue. This excessive head nodding can make females look like a bobble-head doll. Constant head nodding can express encouragement and engagement, but not authority and power.

6) They speak “up.” Women's voices often rise at the ends of sentences as if they're asking a question or asking for approval. When stating your opinion, be sure to use the authoritative arc, in which your voice starts on one note, rises in pitch through the sentence and drops back down at the end.

7) They wait their turn. In negotiations, men talk more than women and interrupt more frequently. One perspective on the value of speaking up comes from former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, who – when asked what advice she had for up-and-coming professional women – replied, “Learn to interrupt.”

8) They are overly expressive. While a certain amount of movement and animation adds passion and meaning to a message, women who express the entire spectrum of emotions often overwhelm their audience (especially if the audience is comprised primarily of males). So in situations where you want to maximize your authority -- minimize your movements. When you appear calm and contained, you look more powerful.

9) They have a delicate handshake. Women with a weak handshake are judged to be passive and less confident. So take the time to cultivate your "professional shake.” Keep your body squared off to the other person -- facing him or her fully. Make sure you have palm-to-palm contact and that the web of you hand (the skin between you thumb and first finger) touches the web of the other person's. And, most of all, remember to shake hands firmly.

10. They flirt. Women gain likeability, but lose the competitive advantage in a negotiation when they flirt. In a UC Berkeley study female actors play the roles of sellers of a biotech business. Half were told to project a no-nonsense, business approach. Half were instructed to flirt (using the nonverbal behaviors of smiling, leaning forward suggestively, tossing their hair, etc.) – but to do so subtly. The outcome was that the “buyers” offered the flirts (dubbed “likeable losers”) 20% less, on average, than what they offered the more straitlaced sellers.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is an international keynote speaker, executive coach, and management consultant. Author of THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE - Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work, Carol’s new book, THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LEADERS will be published by Jossey-Bass in the spring of 2011.For information contact Carol by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her web sites: www.CKG.com and
www.NonverbalAdvantage.com.

Forbes.com posted Carol's video blog "Body Language Mistakes Women Make"
http://video.forbes.com/fvn/forbeswoman/body-language-mistakes-women-make

A Different View of Empathy

Supreme Court Justice David Souter is retiring and President Obama is looking for a nominee who has, among other qualifications, "empathy for ordinary Americans." I assume that the president has his own definition of empathy, but in my programs on "The Nonverbal Advantage" and "The Silent Language of Leadership," I use the term to describe the human ability to internalize the emotional state of others by simply observing or mirroring their body language.

We are hard-wired to connect with others. The brain's mirror neuron system gives us the ability to create an image of the internal state of another person's mind. The moment you see an emotion expressed on someone's face - or read it in her gestures or posture - you subconsciously place yourself in the other person's "mental shoes," and begin to sense that same emotion within yourself.

And notice what happens naturally the next time you are talking with someone you like or are interested in. You'll find that you and your partner have subconsciously switched body postures to match one another - mirroring nonverbal behavior and thereby signaling that you are connected and engaged. A recent research study observed two different teachers as they taught students. One used mirroring, the other did not. The students' reactions were substantially more positive toward the teacher using mirroring techniques. They believed that teacher was much more successful, friendly, and appealing.

There are other forms of behavioral congruence in which people imitate each other without realizing it. Interactional synchronizing occurs when people move at the same time in the same way, simultaneously picking up coffee cups or starting to speak at the same time. This often occurs when we are getting along well with another person, and it can feel as though we are “on the same wavelength.” In fact, synchronizing is once again the result of our subliminal monitoring of, and responding to, each other's nonverbal cues.

One executive told me that in a negotiation session he often mirrors the posture of the person he's dealing with. He noticed that doing so gives him a better sense of what the other person is experiencing. I've noticed this as well. Our bodies and emotions are so closely linked that by assuming another person's posture, you are not only gaining rapport, but are actually able to “get a feel” for his or her frame of mind.

In his book, On Becoming a Person, psychologist Carl Rogers wrote, "Real communication occurs when we listen with understanding - to see the idea and attitude from the other person's point of view, to sense how it feels to them, to achieve their frame of reference in regard to the thing they are talking about."

Reaching that goal of real communication -- of understanding, of empathy -- this is why nonverbal literacy is so crucial to our profession relationships.