You Don't Say
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D.
In "The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat," neurologist Oliver Sachs describes how a group of his patients with lost cerebral functions were unable to understand spoken language, yet were highly adept at picking up the subtleties of body language. Sachs recalls how these patients broke into uncontrollable laughter while watching a politician on television, because the politician’s nonverbal communication was clearly stating: I’m a liar! These cues were totally missed by most of the rest of the audience – focused as they were on what was being said.
But what if those body language cues weren’t really overlooked by the audience? What if all those silent signals were being picked up and processed beneath consciousness awareness?
That’s exactly what I think happened.
The ability to decode nonverbal signals is hardwired in all of us. Human beings are genetically programmed to look for facial and behavioral clues and to quickly understand their meaning. Our ancestors made survival decisions based solely on intricate bits of visual information they were picking up from others. Survival of the fittest was not only about physical strength, but also about how quickly they could interpret the intention of others and how accurately they could send appropriate signals in response. As a species we knew how to win friends and influence people (or avoid/placate/confront those we couldn’t befriend) long before we knew how to use words.
So, even if audience members weren’t aware of exactly what they were picking up when they watched the politician, most of them would still have felt that something wasn’t right. That’s how body language works. You may think “It's only a hunch,” but in reality, your hunches are based on a multitude of subconsciously noted nonverbal cues. And, when someone’s facial expressions and body gestures aren’t congruent with what is being said, you instinctively question the verbal comment.
Which brings us to business leaders I have observed . . .
I’ve noticed that there is often a disconnection between executive body language and the messages they are trying to convey. Last year I was on a panel of speakers and watched the man before me (representing a Fortune 100 company) finish his presentation and ask for questions – standing with his arms folded across his chest. Not surprisingly, the audience had nothing to say.
When a leader stands in front of a thousand employees and talks about how much he welcomes their input, the message gets derailed if the executive hides behind a lectern or leans back or puts his hands behind his back or shoves them in his pockets – or folds his arms across his chest. Such nonverbal signals are closed – while the message is about openness.
Then there is the matter of timing. If a person’s gestures are produced before or as the words come out, she appears open and candid. However, if she speaks first and then gestures (as I have seen many executives do) it’s perceived as a contrived movement. And at that point, the validity of whatever is said comes under suspicion.
So what’s a leader to do?
If you want to be perceived as credible and forthright, you’ve got to think “outside the speech” and recognize the importance of nonverbal communication. I’m a professional speaker and the author of nine books. I love words. But, oh, how I’ve learned to appreciate the power of body language!
Professor Albert Mehrabian at UCLA established this classic statistic for the effectiveness of spoken communications:
• 7% of what you communicate is conveyed through the words you use;
• 38% of what you communicate is conveyed through the tone of you voice; and
• 55% of what you communicate is conveyed through nonverbal gestures—body language.
Remember that Mehrabian was only studying the communication of emotions and attitudes. Obviously, an audience can’t watch you speaking in a foreign language and understand 93 percent of what you’re saying. They can, however, hone in on how you are feeling about what you say.
People both consciously and unconsciously notice how you look and how you present yourself. Then they filter the content of your presentation through that judgment.
They are pretty good at it. And pretty fast!
In one study, students were asked to view a two second video clip of a professor teaching and to say whether or not they liked him. At the end of the semester, students who actually took the professor’s class also reported on whether or not they liked him. With incredible accuracy, the two sets of evaluations matched up.
There is no doubt that you can gain a professional advantage by learning how to use nonverbal communication more effectively. Fully facing the audience, making eye contact, keeping your movements relaxed and natural, standing tall, using open arm gestures, showing the palms of your hands – all are silent signals of confidence and candor. And a good coach can help you find the gestures and facial expressions that are most congruent with the messages you want to convey.
But body language is more than a set of techniques. It is also a reflection of a person’s internal state. In fact, the more someone tries to control emotions, the more likely they are to leak out nonverbally.
Here’s a recent example: The corporate communicator who brought me into her company to coach an executive warned me that he was a “pretty crummy speaker.” And, after watching him at a leadership conference, I was in total agreement. It wasn't his words. They were carefully chosen and well rehearsed. It was how he looked when he spoke. Mechanical in all his gestures, this man’s body was screaming: “I’m uncomfortable and unconvinced about everything I’m saying!”
The question: Could I help?
The answer: Not much.
Oh sure, I could find ways to make his movements less wooden and his timing more fluid. But if a person doesn’t care about (or believe in) what he is saying, his gestures will automatically become lethargic and restricted. What the executive needed most was genuine enthusiasm and passion about the company’s new strategic direction. Because, just like Sachs’ patients who decoded the politician’s authentic emotional state, what audiences saw when this business leader spoke was exactly how he really felt!
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is a coach, author and keynote speaker who addresses association, government, and business audiences around the world. Her latest program topic is THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE – Body Language for Busy Professionals. For more information, contact Carol by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her website: http://www.CKG.com.
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D.
In "The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat," neurologist Oliver Sachs describes how a group of his patients with lost cerebral functions were unable to understand spoken language, yet were highly adept at picking up the subtleties of body language. Sachs recalls how these patients broke into uncontrollable laughter while watching a politician on television, because the politician’s nonverbal communication was clearly stating: I’m a liar! These cues were totally missed by most of the rest of the audience – focused as they were on what was being said.
But what if those body language cues weren’t really overlooked by the audience? What if all those silent signals were being picked up and processed beneath consciousness awareness?
That’s exactly what I think happened.
The ability to decode nonverbal signals is hardwired in all of us. Human beings are genetically programmed to look for facial and behavioral clues and to quickly understand their meaning. Our ancestors made survival decisions based solely on intricate bits of visual information they were picking up from others. Survival of the fittest was not only about physical strength, but also about how quickly they could interpret the intention of others and how accurately they could send appropriate signals in response. As a species we knew how to win friends and influence people (or avoid/placate/confront those we couldn’t befriend) long before we knew how to use words.
So, even if audience members weren’t aware of exactly what they were picking up when they watched the politician, most of them would still have felt that something wasn’t right. That’s how body language works. You may think “It's only a hunch,” but in reality, your hunches are based on a multitude of subconsciously noted nonverbal cues. And, when someone’s facial expressions and body gestures aren’t congruent with what is being said, you instinctively question the verbal comment.
Which brings us to business leaders I have observed . . .
I’ve noticed that there is often a disconnection between executive body language and the messages they are trying to convey. Last year I was on a panel of speakers and watched the man before me (representing a Fortune 100 company) finish his presentation and ask for questions – standing with his arms folded across his chest. Not surprisingly, the audience had nothing to say.
When a leader stands in front of a thousand employees and talks about how much he welcomes their input, the message gets derailed if the executive hides behind a lectern or leans back or puts his hands behind his back or shoves them in his pockets – or folds his arms across his chest. Such nonverbal signals are closed – while the message is about openness.
Then there is the matter of timing. If a person’s gestures are produced before or as the words come out, she appears open and candid. However, if she speaks first and then gestures (as I have seen many executives do) it’s perceived as a contrived movement. And at that point, the validity of whatever is said comes under suspicion.
So what’s a leader to do?
If you want to be perceived as credible and forthright, you’ve got to think “outside the speech” and recognize the importance of nonverbal communication. I’m a professional speaker and the author of nine books. I love words. But, oh, how I’ve learned to appreciate the power of body language!
Professor Albert Mehrabian at UCLA established this classic statistic for the effectiveness of spoken communications:
• 7% of what you communicate is conveyed through the words you use;
• 38% of what you communicate is conveyed through the tone of you voice; and
• 55% of what you communicate is conveyed through nonverbal gestures—body language.
Remember that Mehrabian was only studying the communication of emotions and attitudes. Obviously, an audience can’t watch you speaking in a foreign language and understand 93 percent of what you’re saying. They can, however, hone in on how you are feeling about what you say.
People both consciously and unconsciously notice how you look and how you present yourself. Then they filter the content of your presentation through that judgment.
They are pretty good at it. And pretty fast!
In one study, students were asked to view a two second video clip of a professor teaching and to say whether or not they liked him. At the end of the semester, students who actually took the professor’s class also reported on whether or not they liked him. With incredible accuracy, the two sets of evaluations matched up.
There is no doubt that you can gain a professional advantage by learning how to use nonverbal communication more effectively. Fully facing the audience, making eye contact, keeping your movements relaxed and natural, standing tall, using open arm gestures, showing the palms of your hands – all are silent signals of confidence and candor. And a good coach can help you find the gestures and facial expressions that are most congruent with the messages you want to convey.
But body language is more than a set of techniques. It is also a reflection of a person’s internal state. In fact, the more someone tries to control emotions, the more likely they are to leak out nonverbally.
Here’s a recent example: The corporate communicator who brought me into her company to coach an executive warned me that he was a “pretty crummy speaker.” And, after watching him at a leadership conference, I was in total agreement. It wasn't his words. They were carefully chosen and well rehearsed. It was how he looked when he spoke. Mechanical in all his gestures, this man’s body was screaming: “I’m uncomfortable and unconvinced about everything I’m saying!”
The question: Could I help?
The answer: Not much.
Oh sure, I could find ways to make his movements less wooden and his timing more fluid. But if a person doesn’t care about (or believe in) what he is saying, his gestures will automatically become lethargic and restricted. What the executive needed most was genuine enthusiasm and passion about the company’s new strategic direction. Because, just like Sachs’ patients who decoded the politician’s authentic emotional state, what audiences saw when this business leader spoke was exactly how he really felt!
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is a coach, author and keynote speaker who addresses association, government, and business audiences around the world. Her latest program topic is THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE – Body Language for Busy Professionals. For more information, contact Carol by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her website: http://www.CKG.com.
posted by ckg @ 10:47 AM
2 Comments:
At 1:57 PM,
Tiger Willikers said…
I am so glad that you have said that humans are hard-wired to recognize the physical cues and messages. I think that people don't need training in how to see these so much as we need to re-condition ourselves to be conscious of the non-verbal message. To me, it seems more likely that I ignore the contradictions and the exposed "secret" thoughts as a way of being considerate, or of not having to deal with unpleasant realities. What begins as a way of respecting another person's privacy becomes a habit of responding to the untruthful verbal message as if it were real information. Then, becoming subject to manipulation, and participating in social lies without even recognizing it in ourselves.
At 2:05 PM,
Tiger Willikers said…
AND, reading beyond your initial comments, I would also like to say that coaching someone like the "crummy speaker" becomes more a matter of acquainting the client with his or her real feelings about the subject, and helping him or her discover why they would stand in front of an audience and say things they don't believe in. It's unclear why his employer wants him to be the spokesperson for an issue he's not creating any interest in. Is the employer's objective to bore rooms full of people? Probably not! What is the crummy speaker good at, that he has been chosen to do these speeches?
It sounds like social psychology research has made choreographed speechmaking obsolete. Micro expressions, contradictory body language and the like point out the futility of trying to be a successful "speech robot"!!
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